Why Is This Happening to Me Again

How many of you think back to those times were life was at it hardest and how you handled yourself in those situations? If only more people had that ability. well you live and learn and every situation you learn a better way of doing things. Kinda like trial and error, or killing your curiosity... I for one have learned a lifetime of experience. And I know that every day I continue to get stronger and stronger... Yeah... that's it. This is something I wrote during a time in my life when things were at there worst. Read it and tell me how you feel?

J

Why is this happening to me again?

What have I done wrong? What have I said or done to make her do this? Nothing that should have led her to do what she has done. This is pissing me off!! I have done nothing wrong. And yet she's treating me like I have. What have I done wrong? I don't get it.
This final blow from this evil thing is making my life a living hell!!! It's taking away everything that I have held dear to me. It's making me unhappy, I just want all this pain to end. I just want it all to stop. But I guess that's what it wants to do to me. I have to fight it. I have to be happy. And that's why I force myself to smile. Real or fake. I'm trying. I can't handle this anymore!

I love her to much to loose her so slowly, the slower things go the more it hurts. I don't want to loose her fast either. I don't want to loose her PERIOD. She means that much to me. I can't loose her. She is the very reason I want to exist.

I'm scared. I'm scared of what I will do to myself, and I'm scared of how I will hurt my friends and family.

Why is this happening to me again?

She's my only real escape. My only escape to happiness. A happiness which I am hurtfully losing. Losing to some THING!!! Something that just wants to tear me apart. Eat what is left of me. Then spit me out onto the street.
Why do so many people think that I am so strong. That I would be able to go through something like this all by myself. I guess I have to fend for myself.

When I needed her help the most she could have done something. Anything.

When I talk to her about it she gets all upset. Yet when I see her in person
She acts like her normal self. Is she being sarcastic? Or is she being for real? What does she think she is doing? Does she think it will work? The odds are against it ever working with them. Its not real. Its not the real love that I feel for her. Is he using her like he does his other victims. I think so.

She's been hurt before. Doesn't she remember how it feels. Every man before me has hurt her. Yet I have not. Have I been too forgiving? Too nice? What have I done to deserve this?

What kind of evil has taken over her? This is not the women I met. She wouldn't have done such a thing. I beg of you to give her back to me. Don't make her do something she could regret. She doesn't deserve the pain that it will cause.

She told me that she needed time and that she didn't know what she wanted. When she looks at me I can still see that love in her EYES. Will she ever see how much I truly love her? Will she see how much of a mistake she is making? I hope so. Before its too late!!

Why is this happening to me again.................